This is my first post on this blog, so readers – please be kind. I am not entirely certain that I’m cut out for the wonderful world of wordpress blogging, but here goes nothing..

How are you?

You see, I know it is a question (and an important one that that), but these days it has simply become a meaningless assortment of words, put together by people to feign interest in the lives of others.

I’d like to believe that true questions require honest answers, but that is just a myth. Lying is an age old standard that seems to defy our innate desire to be good, and true and open…

What true questions do require, is a strong interest in the information being sought, and some thought; you know – like, actual time to mull over the concept and at least come up some semblance of a self-explanatory response?

Today’s ‘how are you’ is the most mundane query to date: it is asked ceremoniously because it is considered ‘polite’ and not because we actually care about the response to follow. Some inquirers do not even wait for the response before dashing off to the meeting they are ‘late for’ or rushing off the phone to go out with other friends. And by the way, the responders are just as bad because they simply blurt out ‘fine’ or ‘good’ without even thinking! I too am a culprit of both behaviours.

Ok Ok.. so why does this even matter again?? I’ll tell you..

Last night I was watching Being Mary Jane – for those of you who don’t know, it is BET’s top television series which tells the life story of a typical successful young African American female in the US – and Mary Jane Paul (the protagonist and news anchor at SNC, played by Gabrielle Union) lost her oldest friend Lisa. Cause of death: SUICIDE :(. I was actually going to award Lisa the title of Mary Jane’s ‘best friend’, but so much has happened between them in the past year that I don’t think that would be appropriate. Most recently actually, Mary Jane (MJ) overheard her long time love interest, David, and said friend Lisa arguing about whether or not to be honest with her following their fleeting physical encounter. Mary Jane was driving at the time, and pretty much wrecked her car AND her face when she heard this, so let’s just say their relationship was on the rocks…

Lisa’s death numbed MJ, and for a long time she just seemed distant and angry, but not exactly sad. At Lisa’s funeral, MJ gave the most heart wrenching eulogy – and that is what really prompted this post.

The Eulogy was centred on her friendship with Lisa, and everything her poor friend has been through over the years – molestation by her stepfather, and severe depression. She admonished those present for being liars; for constantly pretending they were fine, just like Lisa had for years; for asking ‘how are you’ like they didn’t exactly care what the answer was; and for responding to the question without telling the truth. She encouraged Lisa’s loved ones to reach out to each other and be the support system that each one of them needed, rather than wallow in their problems alone.

So I guess I’m mirroring the words of Mary Jane Paul with this post when I say this – Do better. Be more loving, and more caring. Be more open and honest about how you feel. Stop pretending that you are okay when you aren’t. Stop being so wrapped up in yourself that you cannot see what your family and best friends are going through. Stop trying too hard to be tough when you’re at your lowest point.

And if you can, stop saying ‘how are you’, like it isn’t a question at all.

Love,

Jo xx