Hey hey!

I don’t think it would be right for me to start this post with the same apology I so carefully crafted at the beginning of my last one; it would be an insult to your intelligence. No – I wasn’t too busy, or too stressed to write. It really wasn’t that. So much has happened since the last time I put out a blog post, and as such I have been torn about what to share.

A few days ago, a friend of mine asked me to take a step further on this blog, and come out of the shadow of my television shows. She tried to be nice about it, but what she the really meant was  – share your opinion on social or personal issues unashamedly! You pretty much already do, you just try to soften the strength of your message by using television series to make your content more light hearted, and you don’t really need to do that. 

I won’t lie, I was pretty defensive when she told me – I started explaining why I preferred to combine my opinion with television, and mix my more serious ideologies with the light hearted nature of TV shows. On reflection, I realized that she had a point. I’m no expert, but I am selling myself short if I have some point of view to explore and share, and I dumb it down (so-to-speak) in order to appear less strongly opinionated.

I guess my resolve is to do a bit of both, and to figure out the appropriate structure and format for each point of view I really want to share… but I’ll get onto that in the new year, by the Grace of God.

This post will stay in the lane I have developed, and will combine key lessons that I learned from over three weeks worth of tv show episodes (yeah, I’ve been torn for that long. Awks)

“The question isn’t who’s going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me” – Ayn Rand

The feminist in me wants to believe that Ayn Rand knew what she was talking about – and maybe she did. But the devil is in the detail, so let’s begin by focusing on two words from her quote; ‘Let’ and ‘Stop’

If you’re reading this blog, I am inclined to believe you genuinely feel like you’ve left the queries and quizzes of your parents and elder family members behind. You’re charting your own course, and paving your way to greatness in whatever field you have decided to pursue. You go out whenever you want, and come home whenever you want. You make friends with whomever you choose, and fall in love to the beat of your own heart. You marry your dream man or woman. And it is ALL YOUR CHOICE. Right? No one needs to let you do anything and you sure as hell can’t be stopped. You are the ‘master of your fate’ and the ‘captain of your soul’ (sorry I just HAD to haha)

Err. WRONG. I beg to differ actually. A lot of what you do and don’t do is based on what is allowed and what simply isn’t . You’re fighting me on this, so I’ll explain why this is true – *drumroll* – the ‘who’

Okay now you think i’m crazy. What who?

I’m referring to the myriad of people who influence your choices and decisions. THEIR happiness or displeasure spurs you to act, or stops you from acting – some salient examples are family, friends, popular culture, the status quo, television, the news, scholars, your bosses, your religious beliefs/teachers – the works. All the aforementioned influences serve as an example of the ‘who’ because even though some are actually more likely to fall under the ‘what’ category in plain English , they are propagated by various people who you consider role models at different intervals.

And why am I talking about this in particular? Because Mary Jane Paul made me realize that while each of our paths may be largely dissimilar, the factors that form our opinions remain somewhat the same. On the episode of the show that unveiled this Ayn Rand’s quote, Mary Jane defied her boss, Greg, and told the media that she would be back on the air after her accident sooner than she had been told she would. (If you are wondering about the accident, check out my ‘How are you’ post for more information)

I won’t lie to you, her actions had an immediate impact on me. I was proud of her and I felt that I should do the same thing if I found myself in her situation. I mean – she was taking what was rightfully hers – HER prime time news anchor position, on a show marketed to the public using photographs of her own face. 

On further reflection, I realised that her response wasn’t as much of a ‘who’s going to stop me’ as it was an ‘I’m doing this right now because no one is going to stop me right now.’ And there is a huge difference. 

She spoke in the moment, and she was completely scared of the repercussions when she got home. That’s the same way each of us feels when we ignore the rules so carefully crafted for us – in society, at work, at home, in friendship (based on being a good friend), in relationships, and in pretty much everything we do. 

Realistically, even dreams have ceilings. I can claim that I want to be an engineer, but if I honestly find maths too difficult to fully understand the academic content, that dream might hit a ceiling very quickly. I believe that we all have a God given capacity to understand every facet of life and taught subject to some degree, but that some will simply have stronger abilities than others do – and some things cannot simply be taught to the standard of excellence. Talent always has a role to play. In that regard, there will be someone to let you draw one step closer to achieving  your engineering dreams (for example) such as Imperial College London or MIT (or any other one for that matter). If the universities don’t allow you attend or stop you from attending for whatever reason (e.g. If you can’t afford the fees or if you don’t have the grades/potential they seek), your hopes are dashed at that point. That is not to say that one cannot try again, but I often find that people gravitate more toward disciplines or jobs where they feel they can be superb, not average or sub par. The same logic can be applied if you make it into the university, but struggle to get the grades to actually have the degree conferred on you.

All things considered, I don’t agree with Ayn Rand on this one, or Being Mary Jane for that matter (I usually do right? I know, so strange). What I have learned from exploring this quote in more detail is that both questions are ‘The’ question – meaning they are both important questions, and that their answers will not be the positive ‘nothing and no one’ that we may be expecting. The key to setting sustainable goals that can be achieved is recognizing your limitations along side your strengths. Unfortunately, those limitations include the people who have to let you do things, and the people who will stop you from doing things too. In light of this, enough can never be said about perfecting ones craft. Limitations or not, knowing your strengths and making them even stronger can only ever add value to you. The key is to do this with a full portfolio of information in order to ensure that each decision is a step in the right direction. I guess the quote aims to motivate and maybe isn’t supposed to be taken literally, but the challenge is that sometimes we rely too heavily on these motivational quotes and become dejected when we realise they are simply quotes, not tools for life. 

Moving on from my semi-motivational speech, I want to touch on something else that ties in with societal influences. It’s a pretty important issue that was raised on Being Mary Jane and therefore it does require some attention, but I’ll be brief.

‘Resetting your Hoe Button’

MJ was having a catch up with a friend and they were discussing how the number of men they sleep with determined their status as a ‘hoe’. They explained that for them, sex was an important part of figuring out whether they could be with a man, and they only moved on to a new partner when it didn’t work with an previous one. They admitted that the numbers do get away from you, especially if you find yourself dating a new guy every week in search of love, or you’re much older than most single women. So they decided that the ‘international hoe law’ should be that your hoe button gets reset if you hit 35 and you’re unmarried. Her friend was particularly salty because she felt that some of her fellow ‘hoes’ went all ‘I’m an angel’ on her simply because a guy decided to claim their button. She asked – ‘should you even wear white? (She was referring to the tradition of wearing white on your wedding day) 

To stay brief, I’ll leave you with a few questions that should serve as food for thought : 1) what is a hoe? How did we arrive at this concept (*cough* – we were influenced by society). 2) Should men who act the way that the ladies described be classed as ‘hoes’ too? (Uhm, if we are being fair yeah). 3) Why should we categorise people who make individual choices just because they are different from our own? Why should they have to reset any button? Why can’t they just be living life the way they choose?  

Society makes it difficult to accept people for who they are. We stay creating boxes and classes of people when the individual is most important. At the end of their discussion, Mary Jane and her friend decided to own their ‘hoe’ status – but why do they have to? That’s not who they are! They have names and hobbies and talents and so much more to offer the world than that.

Peoples preferences should always be respected – whether they agree with yours or not. As long as no criminal activity ensues, I say – Live and let other people live too! 

P.S – I am NOT endorsing anything! I just believe in freedom and choice. 

Have a lovely Sunday! Please comment, like and subscribe!

Love, 

Jo 😘